When you're feeling horrible and you just want to rant to your heart's satisfaction, here's where you do it, a left-to-rot blog that hasn't been updated for a long time; therefore long forgotten. Even though this is a post that most probably is accessible to almost every person around the globe with the convenience of the internet, I still choose to pour my woes out here. One reason - I'm freakin' stupid.
*I really hope nobody reads this. Stumbling over this post in a few months time is fine. But not when it's just fresh out of the oven.*
I feel depressed. Yes, I do. Pathetic and darn annoying. Life right now just isn't what it used to be. It's totally out of my comfort zone. II used to be a contented happy child, occasionally could pass of as a spoilt brat. I had everything. Family, abundant variety of friends, intact social life, no worries about everyday meals, a home to go back to at the end of the day and familiar roads and faces wherever I turned. But now, all that has changed. I feel like I am still living in those days whereas my friends have already taken off from that chapter and jumped right into the next without even glancing back. It is so easy for them to just leave behind the memories to be stored preciously in an chapter that has been concluded and closed. Why can't I? College is great. I love my new found friends. Its now the 2nd sem. They're pretty much everything in my life now. I should have moved on by now right. So why is my soul still lingering in the yesteryears? Maybe these friends are different. I am still finding out and accepting their flaws while I show them mine and hope that they accept me, all in all. I'm paranoid that they secretly hate me and I worry because my scope of friends is so small compared to my years in Kluang. I was so sure of myself, then. I knew that I always had security of friendship and love from the people around me. My parents, they were always there for me. They would hear me grumble and shout, cry and laugh, and they'd be there to advice and support me. Now, they're so faraway. Not even a phone call away. It seems like I am coping well, but I'm not. I lost my home. The place I grew up in for 11 years. Now I am living like a nomad. My home is where I stay, and where I stay is where my home is. It isn't fair. I don't get pampered like a child any more. I have to be responsible for all expenditure and face all the consequences of decisions made by my own hand. My sister, don't get me started. It will never end. I have just started to love a stranger that has suddenly appeared in my life at the right time, but I am afraid that my heart is wandering. I am so confused. A relationship that is only like the surface of the great ocean. I feel the waves, but it is only I who feel it. I am afraid that I am trying to find every reason to fight and cause choppy waves on our still waters. I have forgotten to turn to God. I think that is my greatest problem.